ive been scratching myself like a mad monkey. grrr.

anyway i felt the urge to blog after what today small incidents and got me reflecting on.
firstly was reading my boss’s blog, weird, i know.
i chanced upon it while i was at the counter, which i ended up snooping so i can know the address so i can read it in comfort of my laptop. KPO.
honestly, she is the most, i say, gracious boss ever. though i worked in that office that was simple with no complications, just one thing. my mother.
well, she is forgiving, forgetful(good at some point of time) and shes a girl almost my age.
we talk like how i talk to everyone else, no in i respect you boss way.
shes more of a friend, only after reading her blog, i wish i could be more of a friend to her.
but i guess her previous incidents has proven a few things hence shes keeping the distance.
yeh i know, many friends = not good and im the one here who wants to make friends with my boss. ew.
im such a pain in the ass. everyone else agrees.

today i met my beau after my hard day work keeping the animals alive.
so i did what i always did, have my sunshine smile when i first see him and first to hug/smell and kiss him.
what delights it brings really. always the small littlest treasure you find.
so we were walking, and i was hugging and snuggling up to him.
he said, wow, you really missed me.
then thats when it finally hit me after all these time of months i realized its hard to not have him around.
i always think breaking up is hard to do at first but it will become easy in matters of time. the hurt will heal, the pain will fade.
it only the stupid form of me now suddenly is enlightened how i cant live without him, meeting him or even hearing his voice in every hour of my life.
sighs only to finally admit it that i really do love him. alot. (ive always found myself embarrassing to say all these mushy stuff out, but im not really that afraid of it anymore)

im still weeping at the thought on how he has to go through army and me there waiting for the weekends to come. i am so dumped. i hate that. i use to yearn for that freedom but now all i want is to inhabitant with him in the same house where every morning i wake up to him, in his arm. sleeping in his scent. thats all i want.

i always think of how nice it would be for me to experience more things in life before settling down. i am considered settling down because i dont want anyone else, i want my bf to be with my all the time. and i dont do crazy things like going clubbing incentively , or smoke, or do drugs. cause i got a boyfriend that keeps me grounded. like how a good girl should be. but the problem is, he has already done all of that and i havent experienced any.
is it all worth it?

and theres yy keep getting me to send ml off.
part of me wants to but part of me thinks im gonna be excessive.
comeon i havent met her since we left sec school, all we left were postcards and the dried petals of the rose she gave me for valentine’s. shes so sweet, she gave me my first rose. not eugene.
i always think its good to embrace your past than be embarrassed of it. still i am embarrassed. i can never take myself to embrace everything i have done.

having too many friends is a hassle. being a social butterfly, people deem you as disgusting, ungraceful and suck up. but i do miss my old friends, those friends that i have for that period of time but they just disappear from your life when you move on. i miss my friends from banana republic. they were the ones that kept me alive in that job. but its sad for me to see them leave one by one and left me alone standing in that pathetic torturous place(its not as bad as it sounds)

i want to meet up with them, catch up with them. but i have no time. i rather leave it for those that are more valuable. and for those that i really care about <3

what a heart felt talk i had with myself.